Chris Facts
Troy has taken it upon himself to make a written record of the most interesting facts about Chris from the first 25 episodes. Here they are for your pleasure, and for Chris's shame.
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Refuses to take part in arbitrary number system (Hellraiser)
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Loves Jeebus and everything he stands for (Lair of the White Worm)
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Has a large collection of gold doubloons and blunderbusses (People Under the Stairs)
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Has a blunderbuss surplus (People Under the Stairs)
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Wants to keep his period money safe with period weapons (People Under the Stairs)
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Michael Meyers calls him Jub-Jub (Halloween 1978)
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Was an extra in Milk Money (Halloween 1978)
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Would pay money to see a pony eat a dog (Halloween 1978)
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Has a recording label, Slaughterhouse Princess Records; doesn’t know how to make a record (Zombie)
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Every time Brett’s mouth opens, Chris gets more angry. (Drag Me to Hell)
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Last time his house got broken into, he spent a half-hour throwing Pert at the man (Videodrome)
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[Redacted] (Teeth)
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Doesn’t know if “priest” is a Catholic thing (The Exorcist)
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Doesn’t believe in gerunds (The Exorcist)
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Likes to look people in the eye when “he’s dropping the kids off”... (Human Centipede)
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Digital Letterbomb is his experimental hip-core band. Like Limp Bizkit but not stupid. (Human Centipede)
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On Chris’ wedding night, Chris’ dad said if you come across a dead girl covered in plastic, what you need to do is keep her to have sex with her (Deadgirl)
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Chris had his first kiss with a guy down at the Shell station (Deadgirl)
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Has a mouse named Frederick in his pocket, and you will address him as such (We Are What We Are)
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Only has dreams about the Kool-Aid Man. Sexy dreams… (Popcorn)
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Chris only knows Joey and Mr. Belvedere from Friends (The Ring)
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His week was full of events which happened sequentially. (Ring vs. Ringu)
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Back when he was a boy, it was enough to rub your junk on a girl part through several layers of fabric in a barn while listening to hair metal. (Critters)
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Can’t listen to Queensryche without crying a little (Critters)
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Mistakes were made. Chris has no regrets. (When the Screaming Stops)
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Frankenpire Meets Abbott and Costello was his favorite Bela Lugosi role (Stalled)
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Is in your shrubberies rubbing himself down with Vap-O-Rub (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
